So. I have lost almost 18lbs on weight watchers since February.
I am super excited.
I am happy and feeling like I am on the good path but it is hard.
I have documented my journey with the chub here but something just feels right this time around the block.
NYC was a decadent trip.
I left my journal at home and just trusted myself to make better choices.
I ALSO WALKED MY ASS OFF. OMG.
I look at people all around me- thin and stylish and I am a bit jealous.
I want to throw clothes over my body and look great in anything.
I want to feel comfortable all the time.
The way others seem to me.
But that is not really the way it goes. Right?
I am told by beautiful skinny people all throughout my life that they have hang ups too.
That they search mirrors for goodness and security and that they are not always what they seem. Outward.
I am lucky. I cannot keep Joe from touching me. He is drawn to me like a mad one.
I am loved. I am loved.
But it's sad that we as women are just always thinking it is never good enough.
It really is sad to me.
I wish we could change the way the world has made us think about the way we all look.
I wish I could stop thinking about all the numbers.
I would like to wear a belt though.
A big chunky brown leather belt with a silver buckle.
With tight jeans.
And walk down the street not thinking about a goddamn thing.