Because that's the morning I have had.

I think I get it now.
My friend Emily told me a long time ago to get my ass to the gym.
She told me it was the best time ever. I was doubtful. She said it was her time.
I get it now. After being home for two years with my kiddos and working from home I realize there is not much time for me to be alone.
Sometimes I even freak out on Joe and push him away for a hot second when he comes back from the workshop because I just crave myself.
I lust for me.

So the wheels started turning back here and although it has taken me a long stretch of mental freeway -I think I am here. I think I want to kiss Emily right on the mouth and scream and jump up and down and tell her I get it. I also have to resist the urge to high five other mothers at the gym. It's like I know. It's like I can do this thing. I can make it from point A to point B untethered. It's like magic. Blaise loves the daycare room and I love those teachers so much I want to cuddle into their bosoms and tell them thank you in ten different languages when I drop him off.

I walked the track this morning and those lanes, those painted white lines, led me right to solutions to problems in my head. I was able to clear my mind and some issues with work just clicked. I felt so clear and open and focused on me.
Around and around.

And on my ipod there was music blaring
Missy Elliot and dirty lyrics
and I was flying around that track
and if an old man had not been have rocking out the stationary cycle
on the corner bend I probably would have dropped like it was hot

Because that's the morning I have had.

The fact that she played The Stones helped a lot.

My neighbor and I signed up for this kickboxing class once a week at our local recreation center. I have been worried about it for days. My friend could not go today and I went alone. Terrified. It was just about as bad as I expected. I was the only out of shape one in the room. I was red faced within two minutes and chugging water the entire time and making nervous hoots and laughs.
I have no core apparently. Core free me. I am stiff. I do not bend like others. Ouch.

It is always good to open up your world and be pushed though.
I walk around pretty confidant for the most part.
I can hang with anyone I think. I can be anything.
I am smart and sassy and fun and serious and good.
But I am also really out of shape and overweight.
It was good for me to reach at straws and make tiny deals in my head and scream on the inside that YES YOU CAN!
It was good for me to be afraid and shy and toned down.
More quiet and focused.
It was good for me to fail slowly all over the room
because it motivated me to do better next week.
It motivated me to try at least. And this is what I have been looking for.
I had a surprise in my class too.
A local blogger is in there with me.
She's adorable and has good form.
I can watch her if I get lost.
Did I mention I have no core?
Do something yr scared of today for me.
Just something small. K?