I dream of riding the Orient Express
for two nights in a row now
I am in a bright cabin with paper and pencils
and very Bohemian in an authentic way
like the way I used to wrap scarves around my head in college
and head out to the bar for a drink
when it was not even chic- just odd
scarves that my Kurdish friend would give me
and how they were so bright turquoise
that I stood out from miles away
like a beacon to other strange girls
blinking and calling out
be the person yr supposed to be
and later you will be fine with it
I am on a journey and at some point in the dream I freeze frame for a second and hit some sort of intense epiphany- only I wake up right as I feel the hairs on my body stand and stir
it was like that yesterday too
only I was walking in the heat of the day down the street here with the boys and we were headed to the creek
finn was jabbering away with so many questions that I thought my head might explode
only it didn't and I just gave in and started answering the questions
and as we walked the crickets were loud against the landscape of suburbia
and I came right to a place that at the same exact moment long rivers of sweat were snaking down my back and pooling into my underwear I knew this was one of those days
where I was the queen of all he knew and I had come here
just here to make sure he knew all about the world
and we talked for over an hour about things that might have bored me senseless just the day before but this day they excited me much like the time I was the first person to show him The Mona Lisa or the first rock he ever broke himself against
right as the moment came I was present and able to feel it
everyday as a mother there are moments that stop you
wouldn't it be lovely if we could save them on some portable device like an ipod or something
take em with us and hit repeat
feel it viscerally
anytime we needed to know we were just fine
that we were here for them
and they were here for us
like a glove
13 comments:
Amy - this is amazing. It is hard to be fully present but when you are it can be beautiful and life changing. I needed these words today. Thank you!
By the way, I just sent a link to this post to all of the mamas I know.
This is gorgeous. Absolutely, unequivocally gorgeous.
Amy, you write so beautifully! Swoon!
There is a chasm of difference between "present" and "fully present". You nailed it.
(Loved it!)
i was there baby. love it! totally present in your words. thanks!
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Why is it so hard to be present and enjoy and appreciate our role as the queen instead of feeling irritated bothered by it so often? Is it because we are too busy being busy to enjoy the moment for what it is?
flutter took the words right out of my mouth. Eloquently put.
This is so great. I love those little moments, when your mood and the circumstances come together just right to open you up to your kid, letting you connect in a way that might seem small but rwally is kind of HUGE and can only happen when all of the planets are aligned.
Lovely.
This gave me goosebumps. It can be so hard to be present...to be in that moment. I am so glad you were.
I liked this.
I love this...
i love the way you write.
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