just like the old days

Blaise stayed with grandma and papa this weekend and Finn and I were able to have some quality time together. Sometimes I feel like I am just lumping them together as a finn&blaise sandwich of naughtiness lately. I am forever telling finn&blaise to stop this and that and behave and it was really refreshing to hang out with my little man Finn solo.

We did soccer and sunshine and 70's music all day Saturday.
We went to the workshop and had a picnic with dad.
We talked. We laughed. We played.

And although I know Finn was seething with jealousy over the fact that Blaise slept in his little bed at Grandma's (in a room where there is a TV! OMG) and that Blaise got to ride the tractors and run on the green green fields and have waffles or pancakes each day for breakfast- he loved being with us here too. He got to stay up late last night with his beloved babysitter when mom and dad had a date and this morning he will probably get to boss me around and plan our day.

You could tell that he needed it as much as I did.
I could feel it in the way he focused all of his attention on me.
Like a light shone all over me-his hazel eyes peering at me much of the day.
I was bigger and badder and cooler than any Transformer or Lego action figure yesterday.
I was his source of star power and it was awesome.

you are six

Finnian is six years old.
The day started with a bang at 8am!
Chocolate cream pie from Sassafras Bakery for breakfast.
(I made the mistake of saying he could have ANYTHING he wanted for breakfast)
Lego building and the Yearly Click!
It is a day full of Finn and his choices today. (a movie and ice cream too)
Sweet Finn-
We love you
xoxoxoxo

My heart going boom-boom-boom

It's strange to notice things I must have just forgotten
back there in childhood dust
all those years ago
like the predilection of holding my arms
straight above my head
wrists limp
while lying on my back in bed

and it just comes back to me
as I look at him
like a miniature format
like a tiny blueprint
like a little rendering
of me

right there on that wooden bed
is this person
this whole person
with blood pushing
through his body
whole
aware
growing fast
like seedlings reaching for sunlight


he is so much like me
that I can hear my heart pound