I think I get it now.
My friend Emily told me a long time ago to get my ass to the gym.
She told me it was the best time ever. I was doubtful. She said it was her time.
I get it now. After being home for two years with my kiddos and working from home I realize there is not much time for me to be alone.
Sometimes I even freak out on Joe and push him away for a hot second when he comes back from the workshop because I just crave myself.
I lust for me.
So the wheels started turning back here and although it has taken me a long stretch of mental freeway -I think I am here. I think I want to kiss Emily right on the mouth and scream and jump up and down and tell her I get it. I also have to resist the urge to high five other mothers at the gym. It's like I know. It's like I can do this thing. I can make it from point A to point B untethered. It's like magic. Blaise loves the daycare room and I love those teachers so much I want to cuddle into their bosoms and tell them thank you in ten different languages when I drop him off.
I walked the track this morning and those lanes, those painted white lines, led me right to solutions to problems in my head. I was able to clear my mind and some issues with work just clicked. I felt so clear and open and focused on me.
Around and around.
And on my ipod there was music blaring
Missy Elliot and dirty lyrics
and I was flying around that track
and if an old man had not been have rocking out the stationary cycle
on the corner bend I probably would have dropped like it was hot
Because that's the morning I have had.