old long since

This song has always made me cry even when I was a kid
and didn't have shit to worry about or a heart big enough to give to anyone.
I must have been empathic and taking in all the adult sadness around me.
I must have glimpsed the future of how it would always ache.
To move through time.
To turn round the sun.
To lose and win and be.
And people are lost to us.
Sometimes on purpose and sometimes on accident.

through the years I would either drink so much that I would be the center of attention at midnight spinning madly my sadness into a highball glass
or kissing someone through tears
or smashing my face into a wool coat on some cobbled street in the world 
and my tears would fall away from the world
no one would see 

Nowadays I just sit on my couch and sob in the new year-
I let the tears pool at my feet and like an old woman reading tea leaves I see the future.
And it is always bright.
It is always bright.

Happy New Years.