Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The way a day sometimes unfolds for an entrepreneurial mom who is not wealthy. How sometimes it's harder than anything & even when you have amazing things happen to yr small business it's still so hard you sometimes have to lie down on the floor and sob.

4:00 am You wake from crappy sleep to feed baby and sit silent on the sofa while staring at blackberry  and viewing twitter updates.

5:55 You hear the screams from Blaise, "MOM. I WANT TOAST!" every day. Like flipping clockwork.

6:50 You prepare lunches for everyone. You hate yrself for not following the instructions of all the mom organized bloggers you read. You NEVER do anything the night before. Brew the coffee. Take the baby up to sleeping daddy

7:30 You start to work on Little Alouette while boys eat breakfast. No one has ANY SOCKS CLEAN. EVER. They look at you like you disappoint them in laundry. You do.

8:00 You take Finn to school while Blaise goes back upstairs to annoy the hell out of Joe. Joe searches for underwear and deodorant like groundhog day. You silence him mid shout nearly every day with "ON THE COUNTER TOP. IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET." Feed the baby.

8:20-10:ish You try and write and work without guilt- You ignore the all. My friends/family that you love call you and want to chat. You never can.


Feed baby. (2 precious days a week Blaise goes to preschool-he loves it but for you it is a source of annoyance & uncomfort as one of his teachers hates you- lol-fun times- whole other post someday)

10ish- 11am Light saber duels with Blaise while talking on phone (doing bizzz as Blaise calls it) while rocking baby in cradle. You rock back and forth at your desk even when the baby is asleep and untethered from you. Like a lunatic you rock. You play Lego and think about how early is truly too early to drink a glass of wine.

11:00-12:00 Free play time (really code speak for ignoring Blaise while you work some more packaging toys and getting items ready for post office) You play music loudly and it sort of makes up for it all. You grimace. You dance with them in dirty socks and messy ponytails.

12:00 LUNCH and feed baby. Work on invoices and other such bizzz things.

1:00- 3ish Blur of motherly duties while taking emails, phone calls, and moving money around from one account to another. Tiny amounts of money but it matters. It sucks and you wish you would have NEVER been an English major. You speak daily to yr children of lofty career goals for their futures. You know this is highly contradictory of what you really believe but being poor sucks. Real bad.

3pm Finn is home from school- brought to you by one of yr two darling neighbors. They tag team bringing him home with their kiddos because early on they sensed you were about to stick yr head in the oven from the stress of the day. They rock. You talk at them in high volume and speed, pleading them not to go from yr stoop because they are adults and they are smiling and pretty.

3-4pm It's mofo MOVIE TIME. yay. I have come around a bit. YES THE CHILDREN NEED an hour of TV. We all do dammit. You descend upon Internet like a banshee with Scout strapped to yr body in a sling. You try and stay current on trends, customers, emails, competition, social media etc. because you know... it's hard out there for in the digital marketplace. Truly. One day they might not love you anymore. You worry. You fret.

4-5pm Homework. You stop everything for interaction that is real and needed with the boys. One hour without the noise. Only sometimes you are so tired that you are cranky. And then you feel bad. And then you cry. You have impromptu cookie baking or play dough making session to temper the guilt. The kitchen is destroyed.

5pm-7ish. Post office. Errands. All the children running amok round the city. Daily. And then dinner. Unless you can convince the babysitter to come for a while. You text her with pleading texts like this

Tata! Please come over after school? PLEASE I LOVE YOU. I need you! PLEASE? xo u r the best.
She is 15 years old and super cool. You are sure she shows these texts to her BFF's and they laugh at you.  You would have laughed at you back then. You are old and not cool.  You have too many children. You are still wearing flip flops in November.

7:00-8ish The witching hour at yr house. bath bed book book water book book water cry.
Feed the baby. Frantic texts to Joe. He will be home soon. You have not had a shower. You have on the same pants as yesterday and you slept in them the day before. Shit. You have to go to TARGET!

8ish. You sit at the kitchen table and look at yr surroundings. It is a mess beyond belief. You put the baby down for a little snooze and try and write. Joe comes home and his dinner is always cold. Poor hard working Joe.  He puts his hands on yr bent over like an 80 year old shoulders and you melt into the hard wooden chair.  You feel guilty because you truly did have plans to seduce your husband in the playroom hours ago. Now you are tired and want to have a bath and take Advil.

9pm. Joe unwinds. You wind up for more work. There are always more things to do. When you work for yourself and you are responsible for bringing in each cent you never stop. It's like a disease.You pay the bills. The insurance that costs so much that you actually do for once LOL.  The other bills. They are like a plague. You move the money around again. You put items in yr basket at saks.com just for fun and pull them right out like risky teenage sex. You feed the baby. You eat snacks. You chug a beer. You kiss Joe. You tell each other everything is going to be alright. You say things like, "one day we will look back blah blah blah." 

11pm You have to write. It's what you love and you have to make time for it or you are not a writer. You have to read and burn bloody eyeballs. You have to do this because this is important you say. You fall asleep with phones and pens and pacifiers all around you. You pray tomorrow is a better day.
You drool into the crease of yr neck.

 But in the middle of the night when you are awake... you look at them all asleep. 
Even the newest one. So tiny and plump with possibility. 
You look at them and some semblance of calm washes over you.
You take it and wallow in it if only for a moment. 
It's enough though. It's enough love and faith to make you get up again.
It always is. And you cross yr fingers it always stays so sweet.
It always stay so goddamn sweet.

 image via weheartit


Deb said...

Yes. Though our are teens who (finally) wash their own socks, and we work with projects instead of wood, but, yes. xoxo.

Terreece said...

Amy girl, I just fell so completely in love with you. Though I'd like to ask if you'd please stop looking in our windows for blogging material, it creeps me out hahahaah!

No seriously. Thank you, this makes me feel like there is another crazy woman with too many kids who never finishes laundry while waiting on clients to pay in the world so I can't be that terribly unusual...

Absolutely beautiful.

Piper of Love said...

I often wonder how you do it all. Seriously, I just never see your amount of get-up-and-go gumption in my days, ever. I'm always in awe of you.

I love the way you are. I relate more now than ever too, minus all the personal bizzz success.

Socks, schmocks. I hate socks.

mommaruth said...

Can I cry?

Because I'm totally crying.

Amy said...

Oh you dear woman. I feel just as crazed with only two. And am just as poor. Being poor sucks. I wish I could stay up late but my good brain functioning quits by 7 pm.

Like these other ladies, feeling in awe of you.

Anonymous said...

Love you!!

Kelly P.

Jenine said...

I actually took time out to read this whole article! And that is saying something! But it just sang to me, of so many familiar truths. I feel so bad sometimes, and argue about many of these issues that you spoke of. Working from home, as a woman, is a trying thing, but it's so rewarding. I think even more so, than just owning your own business. There is something about the dynamic of being at home, that causes drama and confusion.

It feels good to know that the feelings that I have, are not just me. The guilt of dirty socks, and unplanned dinners, cleaned kitchens and wrecked kitchens. The balancing, juggling, shifting of it all, and during all of this, the sheer addiction to it all. The drive that makes it soooo important to you, but sooo unimportant to your family and friends.

It's hard, and I'm not a writer by profession, but I am certainly "plugged in", to build a catering business up from the ground, with staff of 1 full timer....ME. I feel your pain, live your pain, and cry about our common pain, the same as you.

AHHHHHHHH....reading this made me exhale....so timely...I think I've got juice for the next round now! Thank You!

edenland said...

Love this. Love you.


I had to laugh, it was too much like my life not to!!
xoxo Natalie
PS keep going :o)


I had to laugh, it was too much like my life not to!!
xoxo Natalie
PS keep going :o)

Vilt à la Kim said...

This is soo recognisable!
Take care of yoru sefl and please go out and take a nice walk too, it really helps sometimes:)

Banana Bottoms said...

Truly this is like a day from my life...

cutelittlething said...

ringing true as I read your post, help daughter with math and eat a 3:00 lunch...again!

Amber (woodmouse) said...

Sigh. Yeah...

Mama K's said...

I'm with you girl completely and totally.


Headless Mom said...

Oh Amy. This is beautiful and it hurts my heart at the same time. I'm a mama that has been there. It will grow and change and then one day you'll have all of them in school and pine away for the days of having them all at your feet. My boys are 9 and 11 now and I know not where the time has gone. Wasn't it just yesterday that one of them was nursing?


designHER Momma said...

I want to take a nap for you. No, I want to run your errands, cook your family dinner, and answer your emails while you sleep. Take care, my friend.


Suzanne said...

That was beautiful and sad and made me LOL at the same time. Keep your head up Amy, you've created so much beauty - you family, your kids, your company - you should be very very very proud.

Juli said...

Yes, what you wrote is so true. Do push those lofty career goals. Even if you don't really believe in them (I don't either). Because being poor sucks.

But even with money stress I still love my simple life. You are blessed to have your beautiful kids. xx

JodieMo said...

I am so glad I am not the only one. Hugs to you and lots of encouragement as well.

germandolls said...

I can sooooo relate. Since my kids are older I could add a few other comments about the dirty laundry...But your husband is supportive, right?
I always get to hear: When will you get a real job?...Sigh!

Jodi said...

Thank you for sharing your day with us.


Sizzle said...

Someone doesn't like you? They are clearly an asshole then. Because who could not like you?!

I know you're not asking for it but I would so like to come over for a week and help. I'm insanely good at organization. You've got so much on your plate, lady. I'm in awe that you do it all and keep afloat. Thank you for the honesty in this post.

Patti said...

I love you so much, this made me cry. It is all so bittersweet. It's so hard to be amazing, but you are. <3

Lala's Pequenos said...

Ditto, ditto, and ditto but wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh and it's never too early for a glass of wine :)

Heather said...


Elizabeth @claritychaos said...

re: 3-4pm?

We will always love you - your writing, your work for those of us who don't know you personally. Your self, for those who do.

You're rockin' it, Mama. Shaking my pompoms for you and cheering you on.

xo elizabeth

woolies said...

not even sure how I stumbled on this post, but yes. Yep. This is it. This is still it.
I was an English major in college too. I have a day job, having nothing to do with my english major, and it still isn't enough. and I hate it. but i work from home. i keep telling myself. which gives me some time to work on my side business. ok i'm babbling now and not even using caps when supposed to. :)

The Empress said...

HOw could you have always been here, and I never knew???

THis is wonderful.


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