OVER THE MOON -In the shop...

A new combo set:

Moon and Star set made of locally sourced Ohio maple and finished only with certified organic flax seed oil.

Wood for Wee Ones here... ycac3o2

teething grasping clutching block play free play eco baby

I lost my shoes hours before in the woods

I found this old old photo recently. It is not a very good photograph in execution, but it represents a really fun time. We were so young at a wedding of some friends that we don't even know anymore- but knew them so well then.

We were the only ones left dancing and even the caterers were hanging out late night smoking cigs and drinking highballs, trying to get lucky with the ladies. Our friend Lynne was there and still alive and dressed in purple and being fabulous and I had short dark hair and pretty skinny legs apparently.
The Athens hillside was lush and the Southeastern Ohio sky sprinkled with shooting stars that night and I can still remember sinking into Joe's chest early in the morning and exhaling with such sweet surrender.

It's funny how much a photograph can take you back.

Because that's the morning I have had.

I think I get it now.
My friend Emily told me a long time ago to get my ass to the gym.
She told me it was the best time ever. I was doubtful. She said it was her time.
I get it now. After being home for two years with my kiddos and working from home I realize there is not much time for me to be alone.
Sometimes I even freak out on Joe and push him away for a hot second when he comes back from the workshop because I just crave myself.
I lust for me.

So the wheels started turning back here and although it has taken me a long stretch of mental freeway -I think I am here. I think I want to kiss Emily right on the mouth and scream and jump up and down and tell her I get it. I also have to resist the urge to high five other mothers at the gym. It's like I know. It's like I can do this thing. I can make it from point A to point B untethered. It's like magic. Blaise loves the daycare room and I love those teachers so much I want to cuddle into their bosoms and tell them thank you in ten different languages when I drop him off.

I walked the track this morning and those lanes, those painted white lines, led me right to solutions to problems in my head. I was able to clear my mind and some issues with work just clicked. I felt so clear and open and focused on me.
Around and around.

And on my ipod there was music blaring
Missy Elliot and dirty lyrics
and I was flying around that track
and if an old man had not been have rocking out the stationary cycle
on the corner bend I probably would have dropped like it was hot

Because that's the morning I have had.

Like clockwork-bang bang tight tight.

As soon as Fall comes I think of nothing but blunt bangs and black tights.
I am so predictable.









pics via glamcanyon

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my friend Nona Dell up there is looking so cute huh?
Natalie let me borrow her.

He must have a big pecker

just listening to the national and making plans to be a better version of me
weaving little dreams in and out of my fingers as I sit impatiently
for life to get lighter round here
just a little lighter

turn the light out
say goodnight
no thinking for a little while
let's not try and figure out
everything at once


and there is a woodpecker pecking my house everyday this week.
Peck peck peck.
Finn Says he must have a big pecker.
I laugh and roll out over the floor
sore from kickboxing

and then there is the issue of this Target "tissue weight" clothing they sell.
Is it just me or does every single piece
get a tiny hole as soon as you wear it one time
Is it disposable?

Happy weekend lovers.

Stay out super late tonight
picking apples, making pies
put a little something in our lemonade and take it with us

I am here this weekend if you wanna come say hello! xo

Transformations

I think you should check out my awesome HOMEGOODS/BLOGHER room makeover on my review blog.

You can Win 100.00 gift card to the store! Go comment! GO WIN!! xo

The fact that she played The Stones helped a lot.

My neighbor and I signed up for this kickboxing class once a week at our local recreation center. I have been worried about it for days. My friend could not go today and I went alone. Terrified. It was just about as bad as I expected. I was the only out of shape one in the room. I was red faced within two minutes and chugging water the entire time and making nervous hoots and laughs.
I have no core apparently. Core free me. I am stiff. I do not bend like others. Ouch.

It is always good to open up your world and be pushed though.
I walk around pretty confidant for the most part.
I can hang with anyone I think. I can be anything.
I am smart and sassy and fun and serious and good.
But I am also really out of shape and overweight.
It was good for me to reach at straws and make tiny deals in my head and scream on the inside that YES YOU CAN!
It was good for me to be afraid and shy and toned down.
More quiet and focused.
It was good for me to fail slowly all over the room
because it motivated me to do better next week.
It motivated me to try at least. And this is what I have been looking for.
I had a surprise in my class too.
A local blogger is in there with me.
She's adorable and has good form.
I can watch her if I get lost.
Did I mention I have no core?
Do something yr scared of today for me.
Just something small. K?

and this made me realize

It has been far too long since I went absolutely nuts with my husband.
Here's to a really fun date night soon.
I am planning it now.
What do you like to do for yr date nights?

I am open to all ideas:
dancing on tables, jagermeister, strolling, art viewing, parks at night

Moooinkbaa

some new cute wood in the shop today. xo

while they nap I should be working

Get me delivered to yr email xo

Be my little baby

I am totally stalked by Eddie Money.
It started like two years ago when I told my neighbor (the very famous Parker Paul) that I kinda liked the song "Walk on Water" by Eddie Money. I was very drunk but it was true. It holds great musical ties to Route 328 in Hocking County. There is this really long road that connects the cow town metropolis of Logan, Ohio to the country backwoods I am from. We refer to it as the straitstretch. I know. I just shake my head at shit too.
Anyhoo. I must have been just driving and that song was on the radio and it just stuck.
I don't care. I like it.
Well soon after that I started hearing Eddie Money every damn place.
Shopping malls. Elevator Musak. Pubs. Grocery Stores. I mean all the time.
I swear one time Eddie Money came out of Pandora from nowhere.
It was so inside of my head that I made an art piece for the babies room that year with the lyrics of "I Wanna Go Back" and it is all groovy and still hanging and people come round and always look at it and kinda move their heads in funny ways.
It was like a ridiculous thing this noticing Eddie Money.
And then it was gone.
Like a small tic.
Released.

And now it's back.
Like full on Tourette style.
I have heard Eddie Money six times this week.
Six.

And as I climbed the stairs to wake Blaise from his nap today I could hear the big Money on the radio. Blaise listens to local crap soft rock station every day from 1-3pm. I know I could raise him on Dylan like Finnian or some afternoon NPR- but it's what he likes!
He likes the Hall and Oates! He loves Genesis! He purrs to sleep to Heart!
I heard the music and I just opened the door wide to "Take Me Home Tonight" and Blaise was still kinda sleepy and all crazy eyed and I just stood there and let Eddie have me.

I totally used my best air guitar moves and
shook my hips like Blaise has never seen me do.
I held my hair back dramatically with one hand and sang
and he stood straight up in his crib and said:

YAY MAMA
MORE MAMA
MORE

And I kinda had one of those moments that really should have been slapped right on some film.

I am so fluctuating between being Eddie Money or Helena Bonham Carter for Halloween.

just walking around projecting my mental state unto the world around me

When Finnian was about a year old he had a terrible fever and was quite ill over the course of a weekend. Joe's dad was in town from England and the second night Finn was ill he held the baby on the couch and placed his hands on Finn's head and became very serious in his attention.
Dad was healing him. He was trying to heal him with his magic.
Magic is the best way I can describe it.
Dad was a spiritualist and his views on life rooted from that place.
My grandfather is a Baptist minister and his views root from there.
My grandfather would lay his hands on me too if I asked him to.
He would pray hard for me.

It is all magic. It is all magical thinking. It is all reasoning.

Magical thinking is all around me right now. I place my hands on books and telephones and wood and tables and press harder than I should to try and make things feel real.
But they don't.
I try and chant inside of my head letters strung together that form words and then sentences that beg the people that I love to find peace. I say these little words over and over in my mind and even as I am saying them I wonder if it will ever work.
Because grief is not a simple action.
It begins and assaults at random and does it ever have an end?
Or does it just hide away?
It is like a heavy velvet curtain at a theatre.
It just falls at random from the sky and blankets you.
It makes it difficult to move and the fabric traps yr feet.
It pools in piles at yr feet and you cannot move until it lets you.

I find myself trying very hard to think things fine. I reason with myself that in some arbitrary number of days that everyone will feel better and life will resume again in formation.
I make little deals with the universe that I will be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend if everyone can just find that peace.
But it's only magical thinking. I pray in the quiet to a God who I am told by my grandfather knows the number of hairs on my head.
I say tiny words to God, but I am lost out there in the dark.
I am not sure I am heard.
I am not sure I am worthy or my magical thinking matters.

But the day after dad placed his hands on Finnian
the morning after he was so loving and focused and true
the very next day
my small boy uncurled in the bed
and stretched and smiled
and cooed
and snuggled to my chest and his forehead
was as cool
as a early morning breeze

and I can't help but irrationally wish for dad to be here now
to place his hands on his children's heads
to take away the sadness
the way they all feel
dealing with the subtraction of him from their lives

And nothing makes sense but I say the small words over and over again
inside of my magical mind

Free rocks

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And this post is dedicated to Ramona at the post office. You are very eccentric and sometimes make me crazy- but you had a hard day today. There was no reason for that man to be so mean to you over a passport. It was difficult to watch and he was wretched to you. I am sending you good vibes. Be nice to yr postal workers.

oh yeah and how cute is the dress in the photo? Find it here.

I would like to buy them a beer at 3 am. I would like to have a tattoo of this in tiny perfect letters on the inside of my giant bottom lip.

The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine.

stick em in a wee folder somewhere

*, originally uploaded by nyoroko.

I wish I could RSS yr thoughts about me during the day.