yeah well I can't help it. I want to talk about blogher.

So I was talking on the phone to one of my blogher roomies this past week and just shooting the shit and talking about blogher.
This will be Piper's first conference and my second so I have all the knowledge apparently.

(It reminded me of the conversation I so distinctly recall between me and my childhood friend Missy Mount the summer before I went into first grade. I was laying on the brown nubby carpet of my living room and twirling the long beige phone cord around my little legs and telling her about what to expect at Kindergarten as she was one year younger than me. I cannot believe that I remember it- but I do. I was reassuring her of the fun she would have and telling her about the teacher and it blows my mind that I can retrieve this memory just now)

Anyhoo- I was telling Piper how excited that I am to go back to this amazing event this year.
Last year I felt like I had an enormous time.
I met so many folks that I admired and got to meet up with my soul sister.
I found my sisterhood of Kirtsy and just knew I was on the right path.
I opened my mind and ears and tried to learn and listen and absorb
so much of the amazing buzz that filled the conference.

I told Piper to just be prepared to be surrounded by wonderful.
But- even me- the extrovert to the tenth power had trouble completely fitting in.
It's like I revert to type and really kinda just entertain.
And when yr the clown- sometimes you miss out on the conversations and interactions behind the wall of people having a blast laughing with (at) you.
You know?

This year I am certain at least once (or thirty two times) I will drink a lot and dance on some sort of shaky wooden thing. I will laugh so hard that it will mimic an ab workout and I will get into some sort of mischief. This is me.
But I really want to sit quietly and talk more
to these people inside of my computer.
To engage in real life.

I want to be more brave and stop assuming that just because my blog is not a powerhouse and read by thousands that I am not someone wicked cool to talk to.
I wanted to talk to more people last year- but I was hesitant.
I suck!
I want to have interactions and experiences that go beyond what we can do for each other.
Or who we are Or who we are friends with Or what we look like.
I want to tell people all the times that their posts broke my heart and how wonderful they are and how much it means to me that writing and thoughts like I stumble upon everyday exist.
They exist in this world like a fricking buffet in the blogosphere.
Like a junkie I come and get my fill and I am delirious with it.

I wanna have the time for everything and I am certain it will fly by.
And then there are the folks I know already and my God-
I can't wait to inappropriately grope them.

I am excited to work with Neil on a ROYO session.
He is brill and I feel like I kinda know him even though I don't.
I think he will like me, but I think I will scare him.

I am nervous about reading on the keynote even though last year it was one of my favorite parts of the conference and I wanted badly to be up there under the lights. I wanted to be the girl with the most cake. I wanted to be validated and shiny and pretty. Now I just want to be able to speak properly.
Yo.

But, I am still nervous.
I am also crap with faces.
I can pick out an obscure actors voice in a disney film.
I can recall voices for a lifetime-
but faces it takes me a moment.
I am nervous about that.

Are you going to blogher?
Can we hug?
Will you tell me everything is going to be alright and I won't fall down on the stage?

I want to french kiss the whole conference and tell it that it is beautiful.
That each one of us make up the whole and
that we all glisten and shine brighter through laptops across the world than stars.

I also wanna drink copious amounts of vodka and lick Tim Gunn.