Tuesday, June 16, 2009

"I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand. "

I can't really sleep in cars.
I have had the terrible affliction since young adulthood.
I have to stay awake and alert in a car that someone else
other than my father is driving.
I have to be the navigator and soul saver.
I have fear of motion.
Planes are fine.
I relinquish control because it way bigger than rolling wheels.

Once on the Mass turnpike I saved my whole gang of college friends from certain death. We were coming home from a concert in the days of opening my mouth freely for things and we were stupid to think a few hours makes a difference blah blah blah...
I would not sleep even though my body ached for it.

I would be in the front seat awake and alive and there to save.
Look out Meg!- I remember it so vividly.
If I wouldn't have been there-
we all would have died.
It has happened so many times since.
My husband hates to drive with me now.
He doesn't believe in my magical power.

My father though
I trust him
I can lie my head down and sleep while he drives
I am sure I still can
I think about asking him to drive me down to the river
or to the Badlands
or anywhere really
that is far enough to go away for awhile
just to sleep
alone in my own head and quiet
to a place where I am free

Once I liked to drive.
I took a cross country trip with some friends the summer that my friend died.
We fled away and rolled from Chapin, South Carolina to Los Angeles.
I drove the entire way across Texas.
It was kinda amazing.

I also have memories of driving in Nevada and the warm warm air against my young hand out the window and Metallica was playing and the desert was soothing and then how I slept so hard in the back of that shitty Toyota Corrola as my friend Bryan drove faster than he would ever drive now I bet and how I had been drooling against my backpack when I woke
face creased and sweaty

and I would just get out of the car and open my arms to the next great thing

title post- Cars 2006


Momo Fali said...

You stayed awake and alert for me while I was driving through trauma last year. I love you for it. I can't wait for our next road trip, Darlin'!

Suzanne said...

that was wonderful to read. i seriously love your blog!

i have a hard time sleeping anywhere BUT in cars.


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