Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

There is something splendid about the memories we attach to music.
I am especially emotionally attached to the music that marks the journey of my parenthood.
Much like the music that defined Amy & Joe there is now a whole musical canon that means Finn and Blaise to me.
A cue is given and I am thrown down a rabbit hole of raw memories. I can hear a song like this one and almost instantly I feel my body heavy and and my mind keen and sharp like madness. It played on constant loop those first weeks Finn was home and I was terrified and in love. It can stop me in a tavern or mall with prickly skin. I cut my sharp motherhood fangs on the lyrics. I soothed my inadequacies on the melody.
Never something I could hide
When I see we made it through another day

There are other songs too- we all have our own. There are songs that we share with our children, kinda like wedding songs burned into brains.
Often we lead our children to this music, like a pied piper.
How cool is it really that we get to open up the world and share it?
We get to sit down and watch someone listen to Dylan for the first time and watch the room buzz with electric? We assign meaning to these songs we sing together.
Songs like Blackbird that Finn loved immediately and came to in an honest fashion, hearing the Sarah Mclaughlin cover playing in our old living room... (and I immediately schooled him in the Beatles) He sang it sweetly with me two years ago and even now will hum it when sleepy or forlorn. It means comfort to him. And me.

blackbird finn from Amy Turn Sharp on Vimeo.

title post- High Fidelity 2000

11 comments: said...

I love those memories that songs bring up. Some from my childhood could even make me cry. But Blackbird belongs to an old boyfriend that would sing it beautifully.

Momo Fali said...

Blackbird makes me cry. In a good way!

There is one particular Dave Matthews CD that I can't even listen to because I listened to it constantly when I was pregnant for my daughter, so now when I hear any of those songs I automatically get nauseous!

Jodi said...

Awwwww. Sweet, sweet Finn.

I wish we could get he and Jakob together...they both are such great lovers of music at such an early age.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I love the sound of children singing. It melts my heart.

And my god - but he looks JUST like you!

TZT said...

That is precious.

Erika said...

That was so freaking sweet! Of course I had to watch your other videos- the boys got moves!

village mama said...

'Blackbird' rips my heart out e-v-e-r-y single time, and sung by your precious son. Weep O Rama. xoxo

180/360 said...

I love Blackbird, too. I've been playing it on piano and singing it over and over for the past few months.

fruitlady said...

I sang "I Will" to my boys from the moment they came into the world. Now that they are bigger I still sing it when they are sick and need some mommy time, but I can't hear that song without thinking about my babies.

Headless Mom said...

yr so beautiful!

heather said...

The title reminds me of the Broadway rendition of Cinderella: "Do I love you because you're wonderful? Or are you wonderful, because I love you?"


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