Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I have only come here seeking knowledge

The day got better. Finn found his groove and we all came back to a sweeter place. Finn found dad's Stanley tape measure and measured the whole house twelve times. When he dozed off on our bed today I looked him up and down and tried to listen to the words of my friend Paige- She told me yesterday that next year I will look back and think what a baby he was. He is a baby still. He is not going to reason with me just yet. Perhaps never. I am also still a young and green mother too, no matter my age or how much knowledge I have gained swinging on the learning curve. I am still growing and I need to think about this. It's all good.

egg cartons and small objects

I let Blaise play with Finn's counting bears this morning as Finn was upstairs. It was a nice little 20 minutes just for me and Blaise. He covets the little bears and is smart enough to know that we keep them in a tackle box with other tiny choking hazards and will point to the box and grunt!
I let him play with them today for some simple fine motor time. He loved the sorting and dumping and picking up and supervised I think it is fine to let young ones play with tiny objects.

I want to come back here today and have something to say about my day that is good. We were supposed to go to the art museum today, but Finn's behavior was terrible this morning and running on little sleep (thanks to Blaise the insomniac) I was terrible right back. I can see myself, like I am outside of my body, parenting the opposite of my true belief. The mother I do not want to be. He was reacting to me. I had scared him with my anger. I am sure that these days are scattered over the relationship landscape of parent and child, but they still suck. They still sting.

Get me delivered to yr email xo


I can't find my blog said...

The good ones far out weigh the bad. Hope it's better-even now!

Liz said...

I could've written this post. I scared Dash & myself with the ferocity of my anger on three separate occasions this weekend. I think all we can do is apologize (to them and to us) and forgive ourselves and vow to do better next time.

Anonymous said...

Aw, Aim. I hope your day turns into a great one. :)

robin ann mcintosh said...

aw, I'm sorry - you are such a great mom, so maternal, and I'm sure the anger was warranted! keep your head up <3

Anonymous said...

Hey sweet thing!

Thanks for the slinky linky love.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. When you are kind to yourself, it is far easier to be kind to your wee folk...

Anonymous said...

And hopefully you all will wake up today on the other side of the bed! Sometimes it takes days like that to realize all you've got and not take for granted your mother child relationship. We have all been there! Virtual hugs ((()))

Shawn said...

I just wanted to send a virtual hug because I know. I know. I think back to those moments and wonder how I could have reacted so differently ... and then I know that really, I was just doing my best at that hard moment.

Nothing more to say, really. Live and learn, I guess.

village mama said...

Dear green, tender and loving mama,

This is a fantastic poem.

You are probably at your farmers' market as I type. Smelling wild onions and freshly picked orchard fruit, and giggling with your boy.

Enjoy all the great moments today.



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