Carbon Copy Life

I want yr organic life. I am trying to be clean and crusty. (of the earth) I am channeling my hippie haunts of Athens, Ohio. I am shopping local. I am talking to my son about vegetables recklessly. I am pushing the good stuff. I am growing up a baby and a preschooler and I want to divert their attention from Go-gurts and fast food. Chicken nuggets- what's the freaking allure? I am filtering and dodging childhood sweets left right and center. I am trying to reduce the probability of the genetic chub gene and promote health at the same time. I have been working on this for a long time, but I stumble...

I try and keep this with me while shopping and I do read labels...I will open their mouths and pour in succulent farmers market finds, organic veggies and dairy, and all that gleams golden and good- but I will stuff trash in my mouth like a robot. I am sad. I don't want to be a bad example.

I met Morgan Spurloch's girlfriend(now wifey I think) Alex Jamieson when she and Morgan were in town promoting a documentary. It was arranged that they would come and shoot some footage at my local after school program . She prepared some items with the children and Morgan hung out with the kids..It was cool and I thought about what she said... we need to teach kids to eat whole foods. Duh, like there is even a store that you can go and just like shop for that...No, seriously, she had a lot of good information and I still feel bad that I made a comment about vegans eating very little like birds. I started to read her website and I did slowly start the change...I also started reading books on how to prepare baby food for Finn and I was so proud that my child did not eat a morsel of McDonald's or other shit for nearly three years (damn you birthday parties and play dates)- I am trying very hard but eating the right way is so expensive! I have had to revamp our shopping to accommodate all the good foods for my children... Why does a beautiful organic peach cost so much? Why will I pay 4.59 for organic yogurt for the boy, but buy myself cheap apples? Why can't I live off the land? Can I have a chicken in city limits? I am going to have a garden next year...but, what can I do this winter to cut costs and eat right? How can I learn that I am worthy too? I really need ideas and information to assist me in this overhaul...I want yr organic life.

A fine weekend

A perfect window

A gourmet pizza Finnian Style
A bunch of handmade bibs from my 87 year old gran
A giggle from Kate saying how Blaise looks like Shiloh Nouvel A scarecrow at local flower shop with a condom tucked in his hay A gaggle of little primitive potties on our walk

How was yr weekend?

Furniture - Brilliant Mind 1986

Furniture - Brilliant Mind 1986

In my head for days

must go to blockbuster and rent "Some Kind of Wonderful"

I had a real big thing for Eric Stoltz

Alex P. Keaton

Finn likes to dress up. Superman, Spiderman, Pirate, and others...I love it. He wears a cape to the grocery...But NOW!!!! He wants to wears business clothes like Clark Kent. It is 95 degrees and he wore this to the library today. I was sorta embarrassed. He won't wear shorts and only wants long sleeves. I have a small Tim Gunn on my hands?

Happy Birthday Hooker

I met you when we were 10

been in my life since then

you are cute and neat

with big feet

Matchmaker Matchmaker

I want to find my friend Patrick Mulligan a wife. He is an absolute doll and needs a good woman. If you are in the Boston area and would like a date with Patrick please email me. He is witty, intelligent, handsome, kind, and fun! He is just a bit too picky and I am ready to find him a woman. He is brill! If you are smart, sassy, sexy, and serious...let's make a match. I will be accepting inquiries through October. Merci!

Boom Box

So I am painting the nursery today and I found an old cassette tape. It was labeled with my name and looked pretty beat up. I found the boom box (Question: Do people still refer to these as such and do other families own the token beat up one from college still?) and listened...Oh my god! There was amazing old songs and bands that I forgot I loved once...like Camper Van Beethoven and some old Depeche Mode and even a little Jimi Hendrix...And I could hear the distinct click between each song as I had lovingly handcrafted this mix tape from scratch with a dual deck boom box. But, Suzanne Vega caught me off guard.. I loved her. I loved her so much and this particular song...gypsy...Wow. I mean I was transported back to being a young girl.

You come from far away With pictures in your eyes Of coffee shops and morning
streets In the blue and silent sunrise But night is the cathedral Where we
recognized the sign We strangers know each other now As part of the whole
design Oh, hold me like a baby That will not fall asleep Curl me up inside you And
let me hear you through the heat You are the jester of this courtyard With a smile
like a girl's Distracted by the women With the dimples and the curls By the pretty
and the mischievous By the timid and the blessed By the blowing skirts of
ladies Who promise to gather you to their breast Oh, hold me like a baby...You
have hands of raining water And that earring in your ear The wisdom on your
face Denies the number of your years With the fingers of the potter And the
laughing tale of the fool The arranger of disorder With your strange and simple
rules Yes now I've met me another spinner Of strange and gauzy threads With a long
and slender body And a bump upon the head Oh, hold me like a baby...With a long
and slender body And the sweetest softest hands And we'll blow away forever
soon And go on to different lands And please do not ever look for me But with me
you will stay And you will hear yourself in song Blowing by one day Oh, hold me
like a baby...

I had this memory of me listening to this song and feeling bittersweet. I am a weirdo though, I would not allow myself to reach too deep into the mind field that is my romantic memory and retrieve from the frontal lobes. It was almost sweeter just to think about the surface of those feelings than to tack it onto particular age or man. I might feel pathetic now if it had been a memory enveloped by a wanker.

I only know that it was a very visceral response from me

while on a ladder

painting

trim

I love the way music can shake you up though. I love the instant teleport. I like it almost the same way I like the olfactory system and memory. Now if I would have been painting and heard Gypsy and smelled Salon Selectives old school green apple... I would have fallen.

So I dream about my old professor

I am achy for Athens, Ohio anyways and this dream just made me most likely drive there soon. I have this land that is absolutely beautiful and we should camp there if I only liked things like that. I have many friends and beers that miss me there I am sure.
I was dreaming of Mark Halliday. We were at Target and there was a small storm... this is not important.
Halliday was one of my favorite parts of studying creative writing...He is this amazing man who spins out poems that are right under my skin years later. I think he has no idea that he turned me on to amazing poets and opened my eyes wider than moons. He helped me craft a bit more subversiveness into my poems and dip my toe in the kind of writing that might not feel good at first..um...the kind with the truth...He rocked and I also have a vague recollection of him introducing me to Ken Koch at Casa Nueva...Oh My God! I got to chat to that man over huevos rancheros and I think my rose got red. I was a lucky girl. So, a part of my retirement from daily grind was to turn back to the writing life. I have been writing in my head for so many years...but tonight I will draft a poem for Mark Halliday. I might even mail it to him. We all like envelopes from the past.

Old School Thrills

My dad is a pack rat. He is forever bringing me small bags of crap from some barn or shed on his property. These items often are dirty or obvious trash but that does not stop Paul from wrapping them up and placing in car for ride to my home. Sometimes I appreciate these little nuggets of crap. Like today. I thought I would share with you the things I found in the crap bag of the week. (a trio of the worst hairstyles ever, a golden lion ring with red glass eyes, and a Micheal Jackson glove pendant)
I am wearing the ring and currently planning outfit around MJ keeper. Keep em coming Paul...I love the look back and laugh thing.

Three year olds know how to get the party started

Oh yeah- one more wedding thing

Bella: "What's this?"

Me: "Spanx"

Bella: "What are panx?"

Me: "kinda like a girdle-When you want to feel smooth"

Bella: "Oh, for your soft soft belly?"

Enter alcohol

jour du mariage

So the weekend in the country went very well for my dear friends who renewed their vows in a simple chic ceremony and party. A bit of back story on this- this is my friend H who has been my friend for over half my life and her family was a major influence on my adolescence/youth. Some real formative times! She had this massive blended family and they let me in- this only child oddball fit right in and loved every moment.

I spent the majority of the weekend with my jaw scraping the grass because her little bro and sis that I babysat are big college kids now and I have officially begun to feel older. I got to see H's step mama J. She will eternally be one of my favorite people...forever. Her brain rocks. And Papa #2 with all his sweetness. And the other siblings-they are just as I recall...wonderful and interesting and real-

I was really honored to "officiate" H & A's renewal of vows and I can honestly say that the love sizzled between them. They have it and I know it and I love it.

It was also a mini reunion for college folks too- the OU crowd is still one hot bunch- Our 30's are looking good for all. We have bonds that are probably never gonna sever. I adore these people.

There was much drinking and that is always a good time in combination with extreme heat and long days. I am typing this with the promise of sobriety for the remainder of August.

I saw a Perseid meteoroid last night right before bed...this is the weekend of the shower. My favorite. It seems that in the deep of most August's of my life the meteor shower corresponds with good memories. Or perhaps I force that connection. Either way it is the only time I relinquish my hatred for heat and allow myself to sit in the dark and look. Just look.

H&A...rock on. Love is good.

mama time and lots of wine

I am off to hang out at the spa with my dear pal Avesta and then we head up to the country for our friends wedding party...I am leaving my boys to fend for themselves tonight- I hope frozen pizza is not too diffy dad...
I have not left my baby before tonight..I am sad but in severe need of spa day and girl time. I am going to reconnect with many old friends from college tonight and I cannot wait... I will post some pics on Sunday :) Have a lovely weekend. Happy Birthday shout out to Parker! Yahoo for three!

It is damn hard to control yr kids

I was talking to my friend Sharon today and we were discussing how Finn is so three years old right now. I have a love hate relationship with three.

Things I love:increased observation/imitation- today he watched me struggle with cleaning the kitchen floor on my hands and knees and came over and assisted me. He was thrilled with magic erasers. He scrubbed very hard. He noticed that Sharon was sad and kissed her on her shoulder.

Things I do not love:increased observation/imitation-today he watched me walk around with cell phone glued to ear sorting out the details of our rehab house and complaining about HVAC man who robbed us. He asked me if I was OK. He also said "I will get that man mom(hvac)- Is he an ass?"

Things I love: increased motor skills of all sorts- today he entertained himself by jumping over pillows for quite a long time. He also deftly used his lacing cards. He helped me pick up spaghetti that dropped off the floor with wicked nimble fingers.

Things I do not love: increased motor skills of all sorts-today he took off the highchair safety belt while his brother was in it, sneakily unbuckled his car seat while on freeway, and with reckless abandon pulled all of the tape from a book on tape cassette that belongs to the public library.

Things I love:language skills- today he said "if you insist mister". He also told me all the reasons that he loves me including the fact that I give him cookies in a small sweet soliloquy during nap. He talked endlessly to me about his superman dreams and might have used the word enormous.

Things I do not love:language skills- today he talked about boobs( big ones vs. small ones) without cease and made up a song about poop. He likes to insert the word "pooper" into well loved songs like "Farmer in the Dell"...Pooper in the Dell. He is in bliss.

I love you Finnian. I love that you whispered in my ear again today that you have magical thinking. Where do you get it?

One of my best friends is 87 years old today...

It is hard to buy things for Mary Frances (my gran) She is old. Everything she needs she has already acquired and everything I think she needs she has no interest in (technology). I find myself at a loss at Christmas and birthdays lately...So this year I made her a book...(a yr fabulous and everyone knows it book)About four months ago I sent out letters to everyone I could think of that knew my gran and asked them to contribute something to her surprise birthday book...The response was overwhelming...

The post kept coming- deluges of mail and packets flow through my post slot...Even her family doctor sent a note explaining she was his favorite patient! I am so excited to give this gem to her- it is filled with old memories from friends and love from family and amazing things! Pictures from 80 years ago adorn the pages! Tokens and tidbits of family tree and amazing words dedicated to the matriarch of my family. This will please her. I am sure. Happy Birthday Gran.

I was talking about birthdays with Finn today and explaining

"golden birthdays" - I love that concept...I was lucky enough to be 24 years old and this co-worker told me about it two months before I turned 25 (my GB). I think it is amazing. How was your golden birthday?

LOOK

With all the chaos as of late(la maitresse de maison) I forgot to be elated with this new fact in my life...Blaise has slept through the night for a week...not a night here and there- but a week. This is something to scream from the rooftops...
I read some Whitman today

"The little one sleeps in its cradle, I lift the gauze and look a long
time"

I am trying to find the time to be patient and thoughtful

I am trying to stop stressing about the unimportant things

there are so many

but Blaise sleeps

he sleeps

sweetly and soft

squishy and sweaty

and we all feel better