Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"Buckle up, son! This is the real world out here!"

Today we go to Finnian's school for Kindergarten play based meet and greet.
I assume they are assessing all the children and we get to meet the teachers and such.

My head may explode.

I met this cool woman over the weekend at the baby expo here in town and she is a herbalist and botanist and all sorts natural goddess. She is pregnant and about to have her first baby and just like I always do I got her to talk to me about interesting and private things. It's a gift.

She could walk into a field and have that baby by herself I am sure of it.
She was so interesting to me.
She talked about her birth plan a bit and how her umbilical cord will stay intact for a time after she gives birth. How the baby and her will be strung together until it is truly necessary to cut that cord.
I feel like I have that phantom limb today.
Like I can feel this sensation between us.
Like we are still tethered and nerves are shouting to my brain to hold on a bit longer.
Don't go Finn.

He's so ready.
He told me this morning when I dropped him off that he was "kinda over preschool".
Alright. I told him that he only had three more weeks and he nodded with his eyes closed just like my father does.
He unbuckled his seat belt from across his lap and jumped quickly out of the truck.
He kissed me and ran into the school with his teacher.
He did not look back and somewhere deep inside of my guts I feel that pain.
I feel that pull.

title post- License to Drive 1988


Kim said...

I am in tears here.. I am not ready to send my oldest to kindergarten..it pulls at my heart now and I still have about four months until the first official day..


Letting them grow sure does hurt.

vincent said...

Imagine this- Stephanie telling me how it is only one more year until she goes to college, and of course she will go AWAY and live somewhere else, but she will try to come home sometimes. It is a year away, but if I think about it too long I seriously feel like I am about to be sick. I know that is the point, for them to "grow up" and become their own person and blah, blah, blah- but I already feel like my heart is tearing into shreds with just the thought of it. So I try to just act like it isn't going to happen for now. And with Sienna leaving me, I feel just like you do- it doesn't seem like they should be that big that quick!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

It's a push-pull. I want my kids to be strong and confident - but I also want them to need me as long as possible. Since I will need them long after they're gone from sight. That phantom umbilical cord is really long.

Kim said...

My not so little boy will be starting Kindergarten in the fall also. It is killing me. He is still my little boy in so many ways. I take solace that it is only 2.5 hours a day.

daisy janie : scoutie girl said...

Such a moving post - I feel that everyday as I kiss my peanutman's head as he gets on the bus. He's 11. All my eggs are in one basket....

tiff said...

Aw yeah - they do that. You'll be fine...just keep repeating that.

Here from Deb On The Rock's house.

Headless Mom said...

Yeah, they just rip your ovaries out sometimes, don't they?

village mama said...

(((strong))) xo hug xo

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

That was a really beautiful post, Amy, full of imagery and your heart.

caitlin said...

Kinda over preschool!? That hat kills me. Loved this post.

Miss Aimee said...

oh that was a great sweet post to read. growing kids....


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