Saturday, March 28, 2009

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."

I don't have it in me to lie and say how glorious motherhood has been these last few days. Motherhood has been far from delightful. It's like they are demons sent to ruin my day, like wicked little buggers. (For shorts bursts only, but the episodes are intense enough to make me insane.)
I love them. You know this- but just for revenge I cooked extra veg- kinda mushy for the boys for dinner, stuffed Blaise into my old childhood dress, and read to them all the Jesus loves you books and paraphernalia my mother buys for them.
You could see Finnian going somewhere else.
His eyes glazed over and dull.

I will put them into their beds at 7pm and lie and tell them it is so very late.
I will open a Stella and pray that when Joe comes home his business partner will have left a renegade cigarette in our truck like I demanded he do.
(Just drop it in the floor board all causal and shit. PLEASE for the love of GOD let me have something naughty once in a blue moon)

I took the kids to an Aquarium store today. The Koi have been swimming in my mind ever since. They can live for 200 hundred years if conditions right. They are beautiful and serene.
They know more than me. I want a Koi pond someday when I am old. I want to whisper my life story to them. I want someone to listen to all the other stuff unfit to print.

title post- Something Wicked This Way Comes 1983


Ser said...

We have set our clocks ahead sometimes on extra hard days and put our boys to bed at 6 pm. And I have fantasized about sending them to an orphanage. You are not alone!

village mama said...

Oh Amy, I k-n-o-w,
I feeeeeeeeeel it too.
Si! to Stella
the official beer on
planet parenthood.XO

Alexis said...

I love and adore my children, but sometimes I feel like I'm living with the dumbest, most irresponsible, clumsiest roommates ever!

katekatenegotiate said...

drunk migits=two buck chuck

Erin said...

Amy - thanks for this post. I sent it to my friends who are moms. I know they too will love it and relate to it so thanks!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Have to be honest. Koi scare the living hell out of me. They are huge, they bark like dogs and they swarm when they think they'll be fed. There was a koi pond in my old condo complex. One day Chris and I were standing on the little bridge looking at the monsters and Chris started talking about how sludgey the water looked. He said, "Ew - can you imagine falling in that?" I looked at those koi and said with total honesty, "if I fell into that, I would have a heart attack and die." I'm off to bed now - and will surely have nightmares about falling into koi ponds.

Oh - and I love the tranny pic of your boy. Moms just HAVE to dress teh boys like girls. At least once.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Okay you are BRILLIANT.

Of course my son runs around in dresses on a regular basis, but the Jesus stories.

SO going to do that.

And that leave my husband to explain how Jesus walked on water.


Rowena said...

awesome post.

when I have those days, if I remember to, I can go out into my uncle's garden. He has a fish pond... no koi, but the little goldfishies are there, even if they do have to swim for their lives regularly when the raccoons invade. I think they're too young to listen to me, but sometimes the trees with their Florida leaves, thick and mildewy, seem to hear me, even when I don't speak out loud.

And if I put in a little extra effort and there's tequila in the house... a margarita sure does cure what ails ya.

The Redheaded Lefty said...

Couldn't have said it better myself, really. I love the need to be naughty part. Sometimes I wonder how this whole parental experience shaped me into this responsible, law-abiding, bed-on-time person. Who am I?

Oh, and thank goodness for blackout shades.

Momo Fali said...

We were at Aquarium Adventures last night! I love those fish. They are beautiful and serene. My sister-in-law has a Koi pond and I want to dive in and swim with them whenever I am there.

I hope you drank your Stella, had that cigarette and that the kids slept late this morning.

Caloden said...

There are many moments along this motherhood deal when I have wished to be something amphibious, it seems easier than parenting. The longer you can keep them tricked into believing your time clock the better

jenny andrews-anderson said...

new to your blog. hilarious post. why just this evening i cursed myself for lazing about on the computer when i knew that my 4 year old's window of a seamless bedtime was slowly closing. i paid for it. yes. i. did. after a few gutteral screams (bad mommy!)from me she got the message. and i hated myself for losing control. but reading this post, while there is no excuse for scaring the shit out of your kid, made me feel a little more human. thanks.

susiej said...

Amy! That was GREAT... we've all been there.... Hope your Stella is going down smoothly...

vincent said...

The only word that comes to mind, is bizarre!!!

Poppy and Mei said...

Ahhhhhhhh, the naughty ciggy, it's all I seem to think about these days...XXxx

tara said...

i'm new to your blog, but am sure i'll be visiting more ... as this mom gig become more and more of a reality for me.


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