Im happy here/But this is where we used to live

We are making birthday thank you notes today/handprints of Blaise
He thought it was fun for a few moments
then the arch of the back and the shrill:
"I will not be yr puppet"
baby roar....

I am working on some art this week
I am creating a map of the places Joe and I have lived in the past 9 years....
Valentines Day might be influencing my romantic thoughts/my historical retrospective of love
who knows
when I finish it
I think it will hang in our bedroom
I think it will remind us of
the 3000 plus days
we have spent
happy
Finn
kissing fat baby
I catch him out of the corner
of my eye
he is my supernova today
outshining all else

We may lose and we may win though/We will never be here again

Massive winds and rain last night
A large tree limb fell out back and Finn begged to investigate at 8am.
We decided it was too cold for much more than a few pics and I got a bit grumpy bc the tree tore a hole in my front door screen that I left out back along with an old chair project.
My Appalachian roots are showing.
Soon there will be a Chevy on cinder blocks out there.
But Finn says...glad a tomato (tornado) didn't get our house mom
Yes Finn, I am glad it wasn't a tomato.


Weekly Digestion

I come to you defences down/with the trust of a child

Just like the day I was 2.5 years old and obviously a bit down..I am in the mud today.
I got a rejection on a query yesterday and it made my doubt myself for an extended evening time frame. The thing is I am fully aware of the way of the world and know that rejection letters pile up on even the greatest writers desks...it still stings. It bores little holes into the bubble of creativity and wonder in my mind and makes me eat chocolate. I am lucky enough to have met Dawn. She is a real life bring home the money writer girl and I already worship her. She has taken me under her wing a bit and I am thankful for this. I know she will encourage me and that helps. I also am cranking out this novel every evening and I am certain that the words appearing on the screen are worthy. You would want to read a coming of age story about a small town misfit who has trouble finding peace in the world right? You would relate to a woman who wishes so badly she had two lives to live? You would pause at Barnes and Noble, finger the spine and sit down yr shopping bags to open the book right?
You would wouldn't you?
I have to write this story and I think I also have to challenge myself to not give up on myself when it comes to sending out another query. I will. I will.
I am going to go now and throw myself on the floor and let my boys climb on me and I will tickle them and they will tickle me and I will feel better. The mud is already drying a bit just thinking about them.

Rivers turn to oceans/Oceans tide you home

Found some early origins of Finn this morning at my parents house.
I was bat girl for a long time.
This is 1978.
I remember this moment
frozen flash
smiling with a mask on
God if I had that costume now...I could make a mint on EBAY.

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song/and I'll try not to sing out of key

Most of my friends don't blog. I think they like to read my blog, but they kinda raise eyebrows about the particulars of why I am doing it. Some of them think it is odd to post mundane and sorta private things. Some of them prefer me to my doobleh-vay site and want my mouth to tell them things instead of reading about it at lunch. Some of them like to keep up...But when they ask I repeat robotically:
for daily practice
for my writing
Yet, I think it has become more than that really. It is really my place to go. It is what Virginia Woolf talked about; my room of my own. It is where sometimes I just spout off and sometimes I am Shakespeare's sister eloquently turning it all round in my mind. It is much more than I ever thought it would be. A really wonderful part of this blog is how I have forged connections and friendships through these keys. I think I understand now how people can find love on the Internet. I have found through this blog the lesson the world is trying to teach me
We are more alike than we are different
One of these people I have had the pleasure of connecting with is Piper.
She is an amazing mum far away from me, but if not for geographical fate..we would have been very close. Her boys would play with my boys. I don't just entertain fanciful thoughts, I know it would be that way. She tagged me for this meme...Here goes...
Name something you do everyday:
Put the kettle on
Name 2 things you wish you could learn:
be able to jam out an Indigo Girls song on the guitar
sew well
Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood:
She-Ra Princess of Power
driving across the US with my parents
fleetwood mac
Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do:
calamari
mussels
sushi
french onion dip
Name 5 things/people that make you feel good:
nordstrom
clarins beauty flash balm
my college girls
traveling alone
my gran

Yr it!
village mama
Kelly
Avery
Kim

Little darling/It seems like years since it's been here

The acceptance has come. After the party today I realized that Blaise really is one year old. We had a great day with our friends and family...We had a simple party at our local community center. The kids played an old school potato relay and we ate too much sweet stuff and went swimming. I looked around the room and the little voice in my head said:
you are lucky
you are blessed
last night my baby woke right when I was about to sleep
I had been sad a bit yesterday
I had a few tears in the car about how he was one now
how he was a big boy and soon they would both grow up so fast

I know it is true
people tell me
in grocery stores
or in line at the bank
they say
I will blink one day and it will all be passed
that you will wonder where the time has gone
that these days are finite and exquisite

When we cried out for me I took him in my bed and stroked his face
and he cried softly for a few moments and snuggled in with his hands
touching my face
his little tiny breathe
was hot against my skin
I think he was trying to tell me
in his own little way

shh mommy
I am still small
I am still small

Home where my thought's escaping/Home where my music's playing

Blaise yr a web star :)

I am about to clean my house
my husband is drinking coffee and reading a book
there are ear buds in my ears
no distraction
my mom is in charge
life is sweet
there is dirty diaper
and I am not changing it
oh bliss

Show a little inspiration/Show a little spark

We recycled the Design Within Reach catalogue today.
It was "O" day and Owl starts with "O" and that is what we made. Funky owls~
I also got two patterns in the mail this week. I am sure it will take me until summer to make these things as I start to shake and breathe heavily whenever I approach my machine. I really need to take advantage of the free classes at the Stitching Post. I really need to put it in my head that all the crafty bitches around me once did not know how to sew- they learned!
I am going to attempt this cool winter activity today that Molly has on her site
as we are feeling the inside funks here too...
My mother comes for the weekend...She will be here in the morning to help me with party planning and a million other things and then after the birthday party for Mr. Chub she will nestle them both in her car and drive them down Rt. 33 for the first night at Gran and PaPa's house for Blaise. I am a bit sad to think of him away from me and Joe- but temporary freedom is on the tip of my tongue and it tastes so freaking good.

I fight authority, Authority always wins

Now that Blaise is walking he is destroying any semblance of normalcy for poor Finn. Everything that Finn touches, plays with, or holds sacred is now under attack of fat baby walking. Blaise is into total domination of all items Finn deems off limits. I am trying to instill the doctrine of sharing today. It is all going to hell rather quickly. Finn has requested a train table to be built that is on stilts. When do siblings play together and the world doesn't split apart? I need a cage. I am sure there is a tutorial someplace for this.

So take the photographs/and still frames in yr mind

I really like the cookbook Apples for Jam. I have been looking through it this past week and salivating over some of the good ideas. My friend Kate brought over a scrumptious blueberry cake she made yesterday from the book. It was placed in front of us and the four children and three adults devoured it in moments. Last night I made a steak pie. I made it for Joe as it reminds him of a bit of UK food, but I placed a pastry F on the top of it and told Finn is was F pie. He ate like a starving person. I like baking more and more. I mean, I am not as afraid of making things from scratch like I used to be. Pie crust is really just a bunch of things squished together and cared for a bit right?I found this old giant picture ( it is like 3 ft long at least) when we moved into our old house. I Thought the frame was cool. It has grown on me even though it has never been on our walls. I think about the people and the faces in the photograph. It is old. I bet most of these kids are dead. A lot are very old. I think about what they thought about in this picture. How many dreams ran round their minds? Who had secrets? Who had demons? How did their lives unfold? I am thinking of calling Muskingum College and asking if they would like it...I wonder if they have an archive? Yeah, this photo makes me wonder...

And everybody wants to be/closer to free

playdating day
painting day
thinking day
Was it really a year ago this week Blaise? Were you in my belly really? I can't remember you anywhere else than on my lap...
Why can't I fit in my damn jeans yet?

'Cause the afternoon's already come and gone

babies
bows
blonde
This day is so lazy
sloth
like
but
necessary
the day after a Saturday night
spent dancing in heels

you can leave yr hat on

The pole dance workshop was a hit. The true bachlorette party is tonight, but the pre-party was great. The studio was as pro woman as a pole class can be with flowery "love yr body "/"you are beautiful" affirmations painted in lilac across the walls. As I expected, I was not a natural at the pole...but after a glass of wine I was OK at crawling round the floor.

There's a little wheel a turnin in my heart

We really should go to the science museum more often. It exhausts us all and we get to play in the water room. Beautiful blue all around me today...from eyes to water to bird eggs in soft form. I am inspired today. The boys have fallen asleep as I can hear the stillness upstairs and I feel content. My novel is coming along and I feel proud of myself for the attention that I am giving it. I have carved enough time out of the day to devote to myself and it feels right.
I found out a random bit of info from my grandmother last night. She has kept an archival system of the obituaries of her town since 1950. This is at the same time cool and crazy. She had no definite answer of why she does this. I can't stop thinking about it.

when my whole life is on the tip of my tongue

Finn has been hearing entirely too much complaining about finances and money in this house. We are moaning and moaning about two mortgages and the housing market and bullshit like that. Today I stopped and started 2008 in a more positive way. We made a 2008 helping bank and are going to save until November and give it to the children's home in our town. We are going to focus on something more uplifting. We are not poor...we are just burdened right now. If I can buy organic milk then I should shut up. Finn has his own banking system now that involves pilfering pockets , couches, and floors for coins that he stuffs with glee into his large bank in his room. He said today that he understands he will now divide his treasures. He says it is sad that some kids don't have anything. I agreed. We will start tonight as I plan on leaving coins all around the floor when the baby goes to bed. I found this site today that made me want to make lists for upcoming gift giving and crafting. I will take that list and the 10 others I have created this month and staple them to my forehead.

Send a wish upon a star/Make a map and there you are

A box on the stoop is pure bliss
Kay...
you are so sweet xoxoxo
I have always wanted to look at Milk mag
I am adding Anouk to my weekly digest
merci
Today has been a good day. Finn and I only had one fight and after tears he informed me that he loved me more than toenails. Yeah, it's a good day.

Because two times three is six/And three times six is eighteen/And the eighteenth letter in the alphabet is R

Recycling Christmas cards into Jan/Feb birthday cards are easy! I like the fact that Finn is obviously the helper/maker of these cards- so it takes the perfection worry off the card presentation :)
I have been searching for a particular bracelet for a long time. I found out that Ms. Kitty has jacked it and it is now her going out fancy necklace.
Auntie Terry sent a Swedish hunting cap to the boys. Rock on Crockett!
I have a busy week coming up. My pal is getting married and there is a strip pole dance workshop/bachelorette extravaganza in few days. The pole doesn't scare me as much as the excessive drinking that is expected. I should perhaps begin a tolerance stimulation experiment this week with the leftover holiday beer. I love a night out, but I really cannot handle it so much anymore. I know in advanced that I will be a worthless crud the next day. But, I guess as long as I plan for this...
I am the officiant of this wedding next month. Yep, I am an ordained minister now. Cracks me up. So, if yo need a non denominational wild woman to marry you...just let me know.

Thought of the day:
How can an hour of playing with Thomas the Tank engine seem like eternity, but the nap hour is so damn swift?

You who are on the road/Must have a code that you can live by

In recognition of the upcoming Martin Luther King Jr. holiday and to kick off Black History month in February, we are working on Dr. King today...It is a strange feeling for me this year, away from my students and my yearly traditions of celebrating holidays and themes. I worked for 7 years with 99% African American children and I found in those years an education for myself in black history. These months were always full of richness and exploration in the classroom and as I reached beyond the classes I had taken I was fortunate enough to be immersed in a rich culture in the neighborhood where I worked. The area that was once "the cradle of jazz" , housed the King Arts Complex, schooled me in artists like Amina Robinson, and brought friendships with elders from local churches and businesses is a place I will always treasure. I feel honored to have been a part of that community.
It became evident to me even before children were a thought, that I would raise my children in as diverse a life as possible. I grew up in a small cookie cutter town (read white) and had only a few friends that were not white. It was my geographical fate, but my eyes opened so wide to the world that summer I went to Europe and that fall I left for college. It became very important for me to have an open mind and realize that no matter where you come from, you can always grow towards the light.

Today we did a simple felt board lesson about friendship and MLK Jr. and watched some of the "I Have a Dream Speech" on youtube.

Finn is amazing. He has not even mentioned the skin color of his friends to me. I think this is because he grew up coming to visit me at school and at the recreation center where diversity ruled. I think he just from an early age saw people as people. I know he will question things, as all children do...and I feel pretty confidant about talking to him about race. I feel the same way about disabilities, sexual orientation, sexism, and lookism...I think it has to just be started small and from the heart. It has to be modeled and important in yr household. We have started talking about equality and small concepts of everyone being the same on the inside...but I am always looking for tips and advice from the trenches of parenthood. Please email me if you have any or want to compile a small resource for other parents. My teaching allowed me to explore and solidify how I thought I would want to to teach my own children, but it is harder than I thought it would be. This role as parent is so massive....you are so in charge of helping grow a character from seedling. I just want the garden to be fertile.

"Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major. Say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. Say that I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things in life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. And that's all I want to say. If I can help somebody as I pass along, if I can cheer somebody with a word or song, if I can show somebody he is traveling wrong, then my living will not be in vain."



Excerpted from "The Drum Major Instinct", a sermon by Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1968

I got a bad desire/I'm on fire

Thrifting and craiglisting this morning
free solid wooden table and two wee chairs in cool lil neighborhood
made in America on the bottom
yahoo
what made you get rid of them yellow house?
thank you

Two chairs just like I have wanted for a long time
They only need some new cushion fabric
what made you get rid of them brick house?
thank you

I'm on cloud 10.

all around the kitchen/cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo

a little buckwheat to jump start the day

fat babies stuffing it in

friends popping round

these days you might feel a shaft of light
make its way across your face
and when you do
you'll know how it was meant to be
see the signs and know their meaning -Natalie Merchant

Outside the door, she took four more

today has been a bit off
finn must be feeling better
he is back to being mean to blaise
they are both crabby wicked wee ones
i hope dad reads my mind and brings food, wine, and a DVD home
then as they nap
for like 12 minutes
i found this photo of you finn
did you really once suck on a diddy as you call it?
were you once small like blaise?
was there a time you had never spoken to me?
how can time pass like this?

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) -ee cummings

Ain't nothing gonna break my stride

Finn has a virus and feels "ever so sick".
We have been doing a lot of book reading, video watching, and couch play as he calls it. As I sat and surveyed the state of my home...

OH MY GOD I LIVE IN FILTH

I thought about efficiency and making life easier.
I put together a little sicky box for portability around the house. It has been a good idea for two reasons.
1. It makes him feel special.
2. It keeps him out of the playroom and that means he is not germing up all of the baby toys and keeps me from running around up and down the stairs bringing him objects of desire.
Wondertime had a great little kitty activity
I included this and some other printables for Finn, some books, some art supplies, play dough, flashcards, sponges and watercolors, stamping kit, and a few other bits. It is cool and I will stash it under the stairs and refill it after the illness.
I know it is not some new idea, but I had not thought about it until yesterday and it really makes life easier- like when you travel with kids and take the time to create a travel kit. Like when you actually pack yr diaper bag and keep wipes in the car. Like how Target now sells sub par but necessary wine in small juice boxes. Anything to make it easier helps.

knowing you can always count on me/for sure

My friend Jeni is a gem. She sent me this little tip this week...

Excerpt from article about “getting the life you want”:

When your hard work starts paying off - say, you've been accepted to a graduate school program or you've written half the recipes for your cookbook - act like the expert you are by identifying yourself that way, which will help you take yourself seriously. When introducing yourself, get in the habit of saying, "I'm a writer" or "I'm a chef." Or get business cards printed up with your new info, as Colburn-Smith did. Don't be wishy-washy about it: Statements like "I'm trying to be an author" or "I'm sort of working on becoming a therapist" can mentally sabotage you, while treating yourself like a complete success reminds you that you will be one!
Love, Me

I love that she believes in me. She and many others have been so supportive since I told them I was really writing a novel this year. I think it makes more sense to them now, why I left my career. I am truly excited about being home with my children and these have been some of the most rewarding months of my motherhood...but... I need something for me. And this something is big and scary and it feels good to get email love like that.

Now for the cool thing I found over the holidays...have you seen MOO MINI CARDS?

They are rad! They are just the affirmation I need. Mine might read:

Amy Turn Sharp

Writer

Mum to Finn and Blaise

Creative Roaring Woman

Wanna write/play/drink wine?

amytsharp@gmail.com

What would yrs say? Could we trade em? have a great day :)

Dont question why she needs to be so free/She'll tell you its the only way to be

Shots of shoes and windy walks yesterday


This hung from the door of my bedroom of the first house I owned
I have it still
I am going to make a necklace of it this year
and tell everyone it unlocks my heart
The Chateau Marmont sent me a New Years card
I feel very LA

Finn is ill today
sick bed preparations and such
he is so dramatic
just like me
"How do you feel Finnian?" I ask him before I put him down for a nap.
he said:
"I feel ever so sick."
who says that?
doobleh-vay

When you wish your bed was already made

The house showed again...Nope. They liked the house...but it was too close to the street. It is DOWNTOWN!
Why are these folks so picky? Picky picky picky
pick yr nose
I really am buying that statue of St. Joseph and burying it upside down in the yard
I am
I need a prayer chain
I need a rain dance
I need a miracle

Some puzzles and some worm composting and a walk in in this warm weather. I was looking over my list of things to do to our house this year and freaking out. I really have to get organized. I like making lists. It's fun. I could be a list maker for someone important. I shall look into this line of work. Give me a Sharpie ultra fine point and a fresh legal tablet and I'm golden.

For the times they are a-changin'?

"You campaign in poetry, you govern in prose," HC

Hillary- can you turn the tide? What will the words of my kids history books read? HisStory or yrs?
These are some exciting times...

When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do, is take a look at you

my soul mate
dude
bad moods seriously cannot last long here
almost 9 years
and I laugh everyday
hard

I'm not aware of too many things,but I know what I know if you know what I mean.

a couple of things I made to help me with 2008 goals
two papers I am keeping with me this year
in my handbag
in my truck
at all times
email me if you want a copy
I thought about trying to learn how to PDF file paste
but I got frustrated
I think these will help me with to prioritize
I'm forever forgetting flicks and I don't wanna stew much this year

You've got to find a way/Say what you want to say/Breakout

Writing this novel is starting to stir the demons. I am thinking about that same small town in each of us as old Don Henley would say. Can I really use these stories from my past and mix em up and slap some new names and create this story? I can! I am just a bit freaked out at dwelling so long on places, people, memories that I have stuffed away in my mind
the history of my small town
the small town that suffocated me
But, it is all in my mind
cannot escape those
memories
those decisions
those mistakes
those moments frozen
that made me this person perhaps
typing now
with wet hair and bad posture
they are in my mind
In my cortex, the beautiful layer of neurons that house sounds, smells, and images from there
In my frontal lobes, the most noble part of my brain- where it can all click and I can go back
hang suspended in clarity
really look at it

music has helped me go back lately
I am looking at the top 100 lists of 1984-1994...formative stuff
I have talked about music here before
about the power to transport
much like smells
and such
It is working
Yaz
My God
I forgot about them.
Interestingly enough...my heart did not.

Rosenbergs, H Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom, Brando, The King And I, and The Catcher In The Rye

It is enough to make me finger the red tag fake trees at Target

Weekly Digestion
-last week...(Dark at the Roots by Sara Thyre thumbs up and laugh out loud fun/Thanks Carrie and The End of the World as We Know It by Robert Goolrick way thumbs up but tragic and will make you weep and weep and Joe read his first Salinger book yesterday. My pride is flowing...

2008 mini goal #23 Earlier bed times

New Years Day